The Hidden Beauty

Relationship isn't just about love, it is the battle of two sexes, the battle of culture and ideology, utmost the battle of the identities. Relationship is more political than just emotional bonding.

Long time ago, we were achieved the intellectual disaster that is called falling in love, we tried to run away, living in denial and keep telling ourself we'll get over this easily. This is when your stupid manly-mind working as the masculine bag of tricks. Man think that life easily to be controlled as easy to push the button. As soon as you leave, things goin back to normal and in control. And me as the feminine mind decide the larger question quickly, take the risks and throwing myself to the lowest, based on my sense of intuition.

You're bad at pretending your feeling, even worst when you denied it with words. Your body tells what the words can't. And we failed in escape, we finally have to admit our own feelings and throw ourself to the romantic-rubbish.

I'am not that girl.

There's a moment when you feel like counting the days untill you loosing your beloved ones. You know that it will end up soon but you don't have the gutt the accept the reality. You may wish that you never love him that much so it will be easier for you to break up, or you may wish it will last long.
Really, that could killing me softly.
The worst could happen is when you feel you're not worth enough. Then you'll gettin very destructive about yourself.

Friday Buddha

Dear Love,
This is my first writing about you since i met you in India last march.
I’ve tried so hard to write more and more, but none comes out from my mind. I just can’t find a word/sentence to describe how i feel about you now.
There are two things that reminds me about home ; When i sat on my terrace, look up the sky while the wind blows my skin. When we were lying on the bed and i put my head on your chest. Both are the moment where i can feel the warm feeling, when i listen my self in peace and joy.
Can you feel the way i feel it? I may not be with you at the moment, but i have pieces of you within me here.
I know you love me, because you laugh loud and freely when you with me.
I know you love me, because you let me see the good and the bad of you.
I know you love me, because the tears when we say good bye won’t lie about how you gonna miss me the next morning

Saya, Gerakan Perempuan dan Semesta.

Saya dan Imajinasi Heroik.

Setiap kali mendengar kata Gerwani, darah saya selalu bergejolak. Entah kenapa, mesti saya tidak tahu detail sejarahnya, namun khayalan saya begitu eksotis ketika menggambarkan bagaimana Gerwani bergerak di akar rumput. Begitu pula ketika saya membaca sejarah R.A Kartini, mimpi-mimpi Kartini merasuki imajinasi saya tentang perempuan yang di cita-citakan. Meskipun kalau Kartini masih hidup mungkin saya sudah di damprat habis-habisan karena ceplas ceplos mengucap kata ‘Vagina’ dengan senyum terkembang.

Tapi kalau ditanya, seandainya jadi jagoan perempuan mau jadi siapa, saya maunya jadi Jane saja, pacarnya Tarzan, atau jadi Xena. Soalnya mereka bisa pake cawet doang gelantungan di hutan, naik kuda, bertarung  dan bebas teriak-teriak. Sepertinya itu lebih pas buat saya, dibandingkan harus berjalan cantik dan pelan dalam kebaya.