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When Fears Talk

Jenina Lontoh

Hey Inna,
What is wrong with you?
Where have you been and why it took so long to come back to yourself?
Dont you remember me?
The last time we met, i made you cry the whole night long at the corner of your heart.
Sure you remember, i'm the one who following you but least you recognized.

So, dont you feel alive now?
Dont you recognized me now?
Sure do, whenever shit happen i'm the one loyal to you. Stand by you, hold your heart and awaited your tears drops.

I love you, that's all you need to know.
I'm here just to remind you how beautiful life is, and you should appreciate it.
Been trying to warn you but you not listening enough to yourself.
Ignorance doesnt help, it just make things getting bigger and worst.
If  i couldnt remind you gently, then i should bite you harder.

How it feels to lost something important to you?
Dont you feel me alive inside of you? Dont you tryin to look back and holding me tightly?
No, i didnt mean to make you feel that you had nothing left.
I wanted to remind you that what you have lost now is nothing compare to what might lost later if you keep in ignorance and keep yourself feeling strong.
Yes, i want to let you know, that the strength, love, family and everything you have now is only temporary. If you couldnt appreciate it now, you might lost it later.

When was the last time you say thanks to the life?
Life never abandoning you, life never cheat on you and gave you whatever you need to live. But once your wishes come true, you forgot who you are and whom with you.

Again, i love you.
Lets walk with me hand in hand, that's how you keep yourself grounding to earth.
Sometimes i have to let you down just to remind you of grounding back, and that's how i help you to get stronger and wise.
That's the way i show my love for you.


The Hidden Beauty

Jenina Lontoh

Relationship isn't just about love, it is the battle of two sexes, the battle of culture and ideology, utmost the battle of the identities. Relationship is more political than just emotional bonding.
Long time ago, we were achieved the intellectual disaster that is called falling in love, we tried to run away, living in denial and keep telling ourself we'll get over this easily. This is when your stupid manly-mind working as the masculine bag of tricks. Man think that life easily to be controlled as easy to push the button. As soon as you leave, things goin back to normal and in control. And me as the feminine mind decide the larger question quickly, take the risks and throwing myself to the lowest, based on my sense of intuition.
You're bad at pretending your feeling, even worst when you denied it with words. Your body tells what the words can't. And we failed in escape, we finally have to admit our own feelings and throw ourself to the romantic-rubbish.


I'am not that girl.

Jenina Lontoh

There's a moment when you feel like counting the days untill you loosing your beloved ones. You know that it will end up soon but you don't have the gutt the accept the reality. You may wish that you never love him that much so it will be easier for you to break up, or you may wish it will last long.
Really, that could killing me softly.
The worst could happen is when you feel you're not worth enough. Then you'll gettin very destructive about yourself.


Friday Buddha

Jenina Lontoh

Dear Love,
This is my first writing about you since i met you in India last march.
I’ve tried so hard to write more and more, but none comes out from my mind. I just can’t find a word/sentence to describe how i feel about you now.
There are two things that reminds me about home ; When i sat on my terrace, look up the sky while the wind blows my skin. When we were lying on the bed and i put my head on your chest. Both are the moment where i can feel the warm feeling, when i listen my self in peace and joy.
Can you feel the way i feel it? I may not be with you at the moment, but i have pieces of you within me here.
I know you love me, because you laugh loud and freely when you with me.
I know you love me, because you let me see the good and the bad of you.
I know you love me, because the tears when we say good bye won’t lie about how you gonna miss me the next morning
© otak liar 2012